


Phantom Comfort

by Harle_Queen



Series: Matilda/Drea One Shots [3]
Category: Everything's Gonna Be Okay (TV 2020)
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Canon Autistic Character, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Femslash, Fluff and Angst, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Relationship Negotiation, Relationship Problems, Self-Harm, meltdowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27760426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harle_Queen/pseuds/Harle_Queen
Summary: They are not the kind of couple who wants to be near each other every second of the day. In fact, there are times and days when they don't want to be around anybody and simply wish to close themselves off from the world. So Drea makes a system.
Relationships: Drea/Matilda Moss
Series: Matilda/Drea One Shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697509
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Phantom Comfort

The light is buzzing. Matilda can hear a faint buzzing like a bee from the light bulb but she can't turn it off because she needs to study and she's already falling behind on her schedule -

She draws in a hiss as she realizes she's smacking her left thigh a little too hard with her free hand. She tries to flap her left hand away from her body, but all it does is remind her of the schoolwork the teen still needs to get done, making her utter a low hum.

This day was already down the metaphorical drain, yet Matilda didn't want to admit it. Yet when she woke up this morning noticing how the bed sheet was scratching against her leg, it was an obvious sign that today would be a Bad Day: when all her senses are much more sensitive and her mind is struggling to adjust to this change. Not only was she having to deal with her autistic brain, she also realized when she came to school that she somehow forgot she had a science exam this Friday, and haven't studied throughout the week with today being Wednesday. This sent her into the school auditorium where she felt her mind shut down and refusing to come back, making her miss the first two school periods, furthering her panic. 

The rest of the day was playing catch up on her work, trying to stay calm despite having to quickly learn two new things in her previous two subjects without Sam's help _and_ doing the other school periods she had _and_ studying for her exam in between. Matilda was forcing herself into a zone even though all her brain wanted to do was leave and cry, causing further strain on her mentality. The last thing she wanted was to go into autistic burnout, so she tried all she could to fight against it: she stimmed more than usual and kept earbuds in so she could listen to classical music, ignoring the outside world to the best of the seventeen year old's abilities. 

She counted down the minutes until school was over, Nicholas and Alex luckily being able to sense her negative mood and didn't ask her about her day when they picked her up. Genevieve tried to offer her comfort, Matilda brushing it off with an annoyed groan and shaking arms.

Once they made it home, she raced up to her room and struggled to get back into her schoolwork, but everything seemed to be attacking her senses. The sunlight was causing her an immense headache, yet when she closed the curtains and turned on her lamp, the artificial light bulb seemed to be worse. All of this was a reminder she was not in the right mindset to study, yet this caused herself to worry more and more about the impending exam deadline, freaking her out even more and making her unable to process the work in front of her.

Everything felt like it was catching up to her, and she was surprised she hasn't start crying yet. Until she heard a familiar voice come near her and yell way too loud for her, "Hi babe!"

Matilda's hands flew to her ears and she let out a high-pitched whine, crouching in on herself. Her hands flailed wildly without her permission, her brain a repeat of _too much too much too much!_ Everything was too loud and too annoying and life felt like it was crushing her and she was so fucking mad! Her whining and arm flailing didn't help her mental state, sending her into a deeper headache which caused her to melt down even more, a pattern that sent her down into a spiral she couldn't escape from. Her whining was probably turning into a high scream, she couldn't tell, but all she knew was that her body was no longer in control.

She had no idea if Drea was still here but she couldn't care less at the moment, finally feeling hot tears stream down her face. This was sort of grounding for her, a release of every emotion she was feeling throughout the day about her surroundings and about her school life. She stayed in her meltdown for who knows how long, feeling her arms give out so all she was doing now was crying in a fetal position on her desk chair. All the teen was thinking about was how the tears felt on her cheeks, how she really needed to wipe her face to get the disgusting stickiness off but had no energy at the moment. Despite the discomfort on her skin, her brain was finally in a state of nothingness, too exhausted to worry about anything else. It was kind of peaceful in a way, these moments when she was starting to come to from her shutdowns and meltdowns, when she finally felt serenity from everything. 

Right now, all she wanted to do was ignore the papers in front of her and nap. So using all her might, she got up from her chair and practically flopped herself down on her bed next to her. She could feel a little bit of the bedsheet scratching her skin, so she let out another pitiful whine and kicked off all the sheets on the mattress, leaving nothing but her, the fitted sheet and two pillows. The fitted sheet was still rough against her, so she crawled up so most of her body was laying down on her soft and fluffy pillows, the fake fur heaven to her. Her breathing was still labored and uneven, but at least she didn't feel the need to shriek anymore, although her throat was now a little raw from all her wailing.

She closed her eyes, but couldn't seem to fall asleep despite laying there for a few minutes. She flapped her arms in frustration at herself, curling her arms inward as a sort of self-soothing. The teen was cold but couldn't do anything about it, not finding the energy to cover herself. But at least she felt a little bit at peace... until a faint knocking made her alert.

"Matilda?" It was the smallest voice, but the seventeen year old could tell it was her girlfriend, "Is it okay if I can come in now? I promise to be quiet, I just want to make sure you're okay."

Matilda didn't answer right away, processing slower then usual what the other teen was asking. It was hard for her to tell if she wanted someone near her; maybe just having someone she cares about in the same room would be fine, as long as she didn't have to do anything. 

"Come in." She spoke up, then groaned, her normal speaking voice like a bullhorn to her head. She kept her eyes close the entire time, but she could hear the doorknob quietly jiggle and the slight creak of the door opening. There was also a click of something, then the light behind her eyelids disappeared. Matilda could feel some of her headache ease now not having to deal with the florescent lights around her. She still couldn't sleep though, hearing Drea shuffle something around on a shelf in the corner of her room.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she opened her eyes a smidge.

Matilda could see Drea moving slowly, what looks like trying to grab something from her cabinet full of random supplies. When her girlfriend turned around, she had a notebook and markers in hand, waving at her when she caught her eye. She shuffled over to her bed, opening a black marker and writing something down, the teen not caring enough to try to read it. After a couple moments, Drea held up her smooth yet fast writing, simply saying, _U good?_

All she could do was nod in return, and her girlfriend smiled in what looked like relief. She then went back to the notebook, opening multiple markers of various colors and scribbling quickly into another empty page. Drea didn't look up for a minute, the seventeen year old finding herself soothed by the scribbling sounds and closing her eyes again. Unfortunately, she still couldn't sleep for the life of her, her mind for some reason unwilling to quiet down, causing her to be annoyed all over again. 

She then heard the writing stop suddenly, so she opened one eye to see Drea patiently sitting and ripping out paper. Noticing Matilda's staring, the other girl held up three pieces of paper, colored mostly in light red, blue and purple respectively. 

"I proba -" Drea was going to speak but seemingly remembered she should not talk for today, writing down on another paper in the notebook and presenting it a little bit later _I probably should have asked if I could do this. Red means you are not good and don't want anyone near, blue means you are fine with quiet people moving around, purple meaning you want someone close._

Her confusion was probably obvious on her face, but she was slowly able to figure out what she was describing: a sign system. Matilda was slightly shocked at this sweet gesture, but quickly turned into thankfulness - she felt so much love and admiration for her girlfriend right now.

She realized she didn't respond, so she quickly grabbed the papers and nodded, hoping it showed her appreciation. Looking over the slightly crumpled pieces of bookmark-sized paper, she held up the blue one. Drea gave a thumbs-up in understanding, then grabbed the scratchy sheet and tried putting it over her body. The teen's eyes widened and she furiously shook her head no. Drea leaned back in shock and found the notebook on the ground, writing and showing her _Do you want blanket?_

Matilda whined and flung her arm off the bed, pointing at the other blankets. Drea was clearly confused, grabbing the fluffy blue blanket that she also kicked off and wrote _this blanket?_

The seventeen year old nodded and her girlfriend carefully laid the blanket over her. It was soft but too lightweight, so she kept pointing down at the blanket pile. The other girl grabbed the comforter and gestured with it instead of writing down her question, Matilda knowing she was asking if she wanted it. She grabbed the comforter and tried wrapping it around herself and failing, so Drea helped her get it straightened out and tucked in, Matilda grateful for this metaphorical warm hug.

But more so, all she could focus on was Drea. Out of the two of them, her girlfriend had more trouble deciphering what people wanted if they didn't explicitly told her, so Matilda in autistic burnout? Massive struggle to understand someone, even for Matilda. She couldn't remember if Drea was supposed to come over at all, but she didn't care. As much as she loved her half-brother and sister, they aren't autistic, it's impossible for them to understand what she was going through. Sure, autism is a spectrum, but at least Drea had a more personal understanding of her feelings. It's nice to think about it, telepathy the best way Matilda can describe an autistic relationship. Or because she's burned out. That was probably the more accurate reason.

The teen grinned and felt her eyes flutter frequently, sleep finally catching up to her. Before she decided to completely relax, she waved at her girlfriend, her waving back being the last thing she saw before closing her eyes. 

* * *

When Matilda felt her body suddenly come to almost all at once, she certainly felt better physically and mentally. Although she was definitely thirsty. 

She grabs her glasses and puts them on in an automatic routine, but suddenly realizes two thing: there was already a glass of water with ice in it on her desk, and she couldn't exactly remember if she took her glasses off. Her mind tries catching up on itself, but her pondering stops when she really starts to look around... at the scratchy sheet over her head. 

The teen gaped at this simple yet thoughtful gesture, seeing how the blanket is being held up by it being tucked in between the bedframe and wall by her head and the other side being tucked in between the bed frame and mattress by her feet. It was a tilted roof with a little bit of sheet hanging off the side, yet it helped cover up the light from the window and looked lovely as a visual stim. She is reminded of when she made her own more elaborate fort for Drea, which makes her remember her girlfriend.

She scans the room and doesn't see her, but has no energy still to get up and look for her, so Matilda sips her water and kept her eyes up, thinking about how Drea (she guessed she did this) decided to make her sensory hell aesthetically pleasing. But overall, she can definitely notice how she feels much better. Her senses are still heightened and there is a nagging paranoia about her schoolwork, but she's still burned out and lethargic, her mind firmly stating that one meltdown is enough, so she'll worry about it later. For now, this bed is comfy. 

The silence of the room is suddenly broken by the doorknob squeaking, her fortunately keeping her glass upright, Drea peeking her head in the room. 

The other teen seemed to be thinking about something, then swoops into the room to grab the notebook that was off the ground and shows the _U good?_ paper again. 

Matilda didn't trust her voice, so she nodded. 

Drea wrote down something else on another paper, _I made that. Hope you enjoy. Color papers on nightstand._

Not surprisingly, she sees those papers. Without thinking, she held up the purple sheet, not needing to wonder if she wanted it. Drea's smile lit up her face and she came over to the bed, sliding under the blanket roof and into the bed, Matilda spooning her girlfriend lovingly. Yes, she can ignore the world for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! And you can always recommend me prompts at my Tumblr @let-me-dream-with-the-stars.


End file.
